[Friday 1 April, 11.56pm. After Blobette had essentially pummelled me for a full half hour…]

Me: Guess what.

Tony: What.

Me: I figured out how to placate Blobette. I fed her some chocolate.

Tony: What!

Me: It works! She’s not kicking me anymore.

Tony: You didn’t get me any chocolate?!

Me: You weren’t kicking me.

Tony: Oh, I could learn to kick you…