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Finding The Happy

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Crossing the line

Was just updating my Yummy Mummy gift ideas page, when I came across…

Fake pregnancy test

The sales site had a spruik about the product, and I think it’s almost as insane as the gag itself:

It’s the home pregnancy test that is always positive! Ladies, now you can find out if you’ve found Mr. Right with this hilarious prank! Will he stick with you if he thinks things will get complicated? This outrageous prank will have your guy sweating! Or sleep with your married boss and watch him squirm (Maybe you’ll get a raise!) The laughs are endless!

Yuh. Not making it to my gift list.

Happy Almost-Mother’s Day!

It appears that my husband got teased for no good reason today after worship… because there on my pillow this evening lay a card with very mushy words about being a wife and mother, and now I heart the man to even smaller bits. The man, he pays attention to the calendar after all.

I was just commenting to my MIL this morning how poetic it’d be to become a mother today, and voila! YogaMate surprised us all – and mostly herself – by becoming a Mommy on Mother’s Day to a beautiful baby girl. See, to time it so beautifully is just showing off now. I’m terribly happy for her, but I guess that means coffee after yoga this Saturday’s no longer on the cards. :)

It just goes to show that babies really will come when they are ready. NewFromMattel had hers start to come practically the moment she turned her Out of Office assistant on, and now YogaMate’s 3+ weeks early. On the other hand, there’s the 2-weeks-overdue wait for SmallFry… and that’s another kind of surprise, I suppose.

This motherhood gig is tough for control freaks, no?

I have no idea when the day of this birth will be. I think I look huge now, but really I’m still quite mobile compared to others as far along as I am. So maybe she’ll be on-time/slightly late. Or maybe I haven’t a clue. I’m planning to take 3 weeks off before my due date, and am hoping in that time to get the nursery truly in order… but who knows, eh? She might have other plans.

She might turn out to be a he, after all.

She might come super early. In the office. What a nightmare.

She might be right on time.

She might come super late.

She might come with a cleft lip

She might come with mental complications.

She might come OK.

I just hope I’m ready.

Here’s looking at you, kid

750ml of water (thereabouts), 3 tummy jiggles, 6 hip rotations, 1 deliberate cough, 2 visits to the toilet and 5 surreptitious lambada twirls later, you finally decided to roll over – stop mooning us – and settle down on your back so the nice ultrasound lady could take the following happy snap:

Blob at 13 weeks
Hand at your mouth, sorta waving...

Also, you’ve apparently time travelled and are now a whole week ahead. Which messes up mommy’s countdown timer something major.

You kick heaps. You have lovely long legs – you have both parents to thank for that. Your latest trick seems to be this hand-wave thing in front of your face. That’s good – practice for when you finally get out and realise the Australian sun shines freakishly bright. At this stage, you appear to have a flat nose. If that works out to be true come birth time, I do sincerely apologise. Your father has a magnificent grecian profile. I don’t.

You are alive, which is a relief considering how many people now know about you. You can fit in the palm of my hand, but for now I think you should just stay put and kick away. I made a lovely chicken and mushroom risotto for us tonight. I hope you like chilli.

xoxo

mommy

“Look, ma! No tail!”

Blob is now looking less Tadpole, more Cashew Nut by Dali. Congratulations, kiddo.

Also, did you know that “‘fetus” means “little one” in Latin? Forshizz.  This is the first week that Blob gets to be called a fetus officially, and stops becoming an embryo. Sneef. They grow up so fast.

Today was also the first day I felt green pretty much the whole time I was at work. It came and went, but there goes my theory about nausea starting from mid-afternoon. I’m hoping it’s just a one-off. It’s one thing to feel uncomfortable during the remaining 3 hours of the work day. Quite another when you’re reviewing work and want to barf. Just sending completely the wrong signals here.

Met up with Fertility Friend last night for coffee, and spilled the beans. FF is a treasure trove of baby trivia, and has the gift of condensing complex biological processes in 10 dot points or less. Already, I’m given names of competent obstetricians and websites and tips on reading up about baby routines and the importance of progesterone during gestation and how there’s this other bunch of pregnancy supplement pills that completely kick Elevit’s shiny beige butt.

Best of all, she was completely delighted for us. And knew that Mama Wear now has a 40% discount because they’re relocating.

On a completely different note… my colleague recently bought a new pad with his partner, and just learnt that their new neighbour is a Ralph model. Which is such a great reality check for me because until this revelation, I figured they’d always lived on magazine covers.

The things you realise you don’t think about, until you do.

Links from FF:

So what’s the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus?

Plus. Definitely plus.

ClearBlue preggers test kit showing positive, forshizz

First thoughts that ran through my head:

  • NO PERIOD FOR AT LEAST 8 MONTHS! White hot pants, here I come…
  • Oooohhhh… so that’s why I got all emo yesterday. Huh.
  • Oh lord… (helpless giggles)… you’re kidding me, right? (guffaw)
  • I’m giggling like an idiot. That’s probably a good sign.
  • Oh crap. I had soft cheese AND a glass of white wine AND salmon sashimi this week.
  • It’s okay. Japanese women have healthy babies.

First thoughts that ran through Tony’s head:

  • Is that pee stick broken?
  • We have to buy a cot.
  • We have to buy a cot.
  • We have to buy a cot.
  • (smile)

Suddenly, my entire perspective has changed even though my body feels no less bloated from yesterday. I get news about a friend’s pregnancy, and wear a secret smile. I’m sussing out maternity fashion tips with each passing pregnant (or huggable) woman. Baby aisles now have relevance.

We’re torn between telling everyone and doing the sensible thing and keeping it very quiet until the danger zone (read: >12 weeks) has passed. Meanwhile, I’m already determined to buy funny T-shirts online.

We ran to the pharmacy this afternoon and got ourselves a motherlode of Elevit and another pregnancy test. And yes, there it was again. To borrow a leaf from Juno’s scriptbook… that blue cross is so holy.

Is there a chance this won’t eventuate? Of course. I can hear the Voice of Reason shouting at everyone else in my brain to pipe down and get to the doctor’s first. My mother arrives on Tuesday for a two-week stay. NOT telling her is going to be as fun as finally telling her.

Scary and a lot of fun. Happy Halloween!

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